Nancy joins me in my uneasy feelings about the speakers list and teases out few more things in a conversation with Mary Hodder in the comments. I feel like adding to it…

First the disclaimer: I believe that the initiative to get more new names known is a worthy one and I think Mary did a good job acting on it. I have my problems with it, but I don’t have a better solution yet, so I’m trying to articulate what are the issues hoping that it would help working it out.

I guess there are a couple of reasons why I’m uncomfortable with adding my name to the list:

• Reinforcing existing status quo. I came to check the list and I saw the usual suspects. Yes, most of names in the list are women, but most of them I know well – their names make circles through weblogs and conferences. It’s just another A-list…
• Lack of confidence and benchmarking. I read some of the profiles the list – those people look so smart and so experienced – my confidence is lost… How do I know if I’m good enough to be in that list? How do I find out?
• Need to aggressively market yourself (this is how I feel looking at the list). This may be part of the game, necessity and a skill to be learnt, but this is not something what I feel comfortable with. I don’t like when other people do that, but I even more uncomfortable reinforcing it by doing the same. If we talk about games I don’t want to play this is the one.

I also have to add that for me the specific issue of the speakers lists is just an indication of the broader set of feelings and uncertainties that I can’t describe well yet. Or it’s a indication that I probably know my answer to my personal version Shelley Powers’ questions – do I want to compete more?

I feel that somehow all these is related to accomodating diversity and helping others to enter unknown worlds, we just have to figure out what the new rules of the game should be… BlogHer was a good model for that, a welcoming world where

Every person I spoke with was someone who, under any other circumstance, I could spend hours with in delicious conversation. Ronni Bennett

Archived version of this entry is available at http://blog.mathemagenic.com/2005/08/17.html#a1634; comments are here.

• Weblogs as mushrooms
• Shawn Callahan
• Take-aways from UK trip

I haven’t been blogging for a while… In the middle of BlogHer something happened to the computer at home that runs Radio and the one who could fix it has left the house to see me in Seattle.

After “BlogHer” I desperately wanted to blog, but somehow I never able to write knowing that it wouldn’t be posted anywhere soon, so you’ll have to read the stories of others (or, start with a summary by Julie Leung).

Strong feelings:

…Talking with a couple of bloggers about reading private blogs of their teenage kids – something different and strange and ethically unresolved for myself.

…Mena Trott, sitting alone in an empty lobby – just a girl at a conference – so different from the celebrity appearance last year at BlogTalk…

…Sitting on the floor at identity blogging session (Nancy’s notes), too low to see the speakers – just listening, being hit by their stories of revealing themselves online and thinking about all those parallels to vulnerable writing is ethnography…

…Growing discomfort with the discussions about linking and power, realizing that I don’t like female A-listers and the tipping point of it – strange inner resistance of adding my name to the speakers list started by Mary Hodder with the idea to make female speakers more visible.

Next year: go if you have a chance (regardless of your gender) or sponsor a blogger next to you.

Archived version of this entry is available at http://blog.mathemagenic.com/2005/08/15.html#a1631; comments are here.

• BlogWalk Seattle: people
• Weblog research: artefacts and practices – and contexts that influence them
• Open issues for research/thinking on communities

It was a long time since I was wondering if I ever could make it to BlogHer conference. Those uncertainties are in the past – I booked the trip (and, to make it clear – it’s sponsored by Microsoft :)

I’m very excited – not only because the program looks interesting, but mainly because I can meet people I wanted to meet for such a long time. Especially Dina and Judith :)))

In case you are still thinking – there were only 40 seats left yesterday (add at least -1 since I registered after that ;).

Archived version of this entry is available at http://blog.mathemagenic.com/2005/07/12.html#a1606; comments are here.

• BlogHer aftermath
• BlogHer aftermath: more on the speakers list