Like my house right now this blog is loved, but neglected space: finishing my dissertation and being a happy mom doesn’t leave much energy for anything else. I’m almost there, starting to look forward to “after the PhD” life, like moving to an unknown country…
This is what I wrote a few months ago as a welcoming message of my weblog. Now, even more than when, I feel that my house represents the state of other things in my life.
While being busy with the PhD work didn’t take all my time, it occupied my mind and also sucked a lot of energy. While urgent things in the house and general cleanliness were taken care of (it’s not falling apart and in the state of “ok to have friends for dinner” ;), I feel surrounded by all kinds of unsorted things in wrong places and unfinished tasks that accumulated over time. I try tackling them one by one in the pockets of time between other things, but feel that that those are changes on the surface, that more is needed to turn the house into a place I want it to be.
I also feel burnt out physically, mentally and emotionally. When finishing the dissertation I thought that the worst was over. I did compare working on the dissertation to pregnancy, but didn’t realise that after the “birth” the parallels can go further:
Quote from: untenured on August 18, 2006, 10:42:02 AM
Perhaps there is an analogy to post-partum depression. Instead of child, you birthed a thesis. I bet your gestation period was a lot longer than nine months.
That is a good analogy, Untenured. In fact, I experienced more weirdness and depression after finishing the diss than I did after the birth of either of my two kids. I’m thinking maybe it’s because a 400+ page thesis is not at all cute and cuddly, plus you can’t breastfeed it. :)
Some call it Post Dissertation Stress Disorder. Don’t think that I have the worst form of it, since I don’t have all the the symptoms (only those: Foggy brain, Inability to concentrate on anything longer than 10 minutes and Pure laziness :) Fun aside, wish I knew earlier that something like that should be expected after finishing the dissertation.
Ideally I would take a few weeks off right now, but I’m not done yet. So, I’m taking it (=everything) easy, starting to sort out things in the house and hoping that the rest will follow.
Tags: PhDRelated posts
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Lilia, I recognise what you write about the stress around finishing the PhD. I took a week off, went on holidays and it really helped me to feel better. I didn’t however have a partner or child with expectations, so that was probably easier to do. Rest a lot, find a new goal and enjoy the day of defence (it’s like a wedding day, on your own).
Hi, Lilia, I was warned about the stress/depression after I passed my defense, but it didn’t help. I also stumbled on the concept of post-tenure depression as I searched the web for others suffering this odd let-down where nothing is really wrong, but nothing feels right. How scary to think that this is just one of the many stages on the emotional roller-coaster we’ve put ourselves on! Anyway, hang in there. You’re not alone.
A
Hi Lilia, My diss defense is next week and I feel some similar emotions. We had this big project that took years to birth (instead of “only” nine months) and all of a sudden, it is here and almost gone. Even if it involved research on other people and guidance from other people, it was still just a bunch of mental concepts on paper. And now the energy that went into the coalescing of that pinnacle of scholastic achievement is somewhat diffuse. The goal has been achieved, so now what? With a baby, one’s sense of purpose is clear once the baby is born, you take care of it and nurture it. With a dissertation, one’s sense of purpose is less clear unless one jumps right into a job. So there is a sense of limbo and a bit of “where am I and what am I doing now?” but I trust it is just a transition. We need a real break after all that hard work and yet there are often things to catch up on (as you point out). It is like being half on vacation and half working and not being satisfied with either. One friend told me I should head to a beach and I have to say that the idea is quite tantalizing! I have found that “working” (playing) in my garden and doing other little creative projects is quite therapeutic. Everyone is different though.