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33, being present

It’s my birthday today. It happen to be a day full of emotions – getting up early to write, driving through autumn sun to get relaxing foot massage as my birthday present, nice conversations at work, smiling at birthday greetings popping up on different channels and writing that was easy for a change.

In the evening I found that my uncle died yesterday. They didn’t want to tell me, but as soon as I heard my mom’s voice I knew something was wrong. Being sad, being happy that last time in Russia we spent a good time together, being angry that I couldn’t be there with my family, smiling at the little guy who wants to play, trying not to be afraid thinking of my family being so far away…

But behind all that being grateful for how much I have – including this day, full of emotions… Realising that whatever happens, the best thing I can do is to be here, to be present, to live fully now, to be with those I love, to do things I enjoy doing…

{ 2 comments… add one }
  • Elmine October 8, 2008, 14:05

    Lots of hugs. I recognize the feeling. I’m always surprised how alive you can become when something sad happens. We’ll see eachother soon enough to give you real hugs.

  • Norman Dragt October 14, 2008, 14:41

    Belated congratulations and my sincere sympathy for your loss.

    This really is exactly what life is about. The fact that we can be happy and sad at the same moment. Or that we can be happy at a moment in time, where others are sad at that same moment. It can not be helped. So maybe the only thing we can do about is is accept it as a fact of life and understand that everybody has to live his own life. And that we can only hope to be so blessed that we have lots of happy memories of the ones we loved.

    I hope you get the time to visit your family soon, to feel their warmth and love.

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